Here's one very, very good way of making perfect love....enjoy.
Ingredients:
4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 Fur-lined mixing bowl
1 Firm banana
Directions:
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. For best results, continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat 4 steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.
Notes:
1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Hit the nail on the head!
An incident occurred in a supermarket recently, when the following was witnessed:
A Muslim woman dressed in a Burkha (A black gown & face mask) was standing with her shopping in a queue at the checkout. When it was her turn to be served, and as she reached the cashier, she made a loud remark about the English Flag lapel pin, which the female cashier was wearing on her blouse.
The cashier reached up and touched the pin and said, "Yes, I always wear it proudly. My son serves abroad with the forces and I wear it for him". The Muslim woman then asked the cashier when she was going to stop bombing and killing her countrymen, explaining that she was Iraqi.
At that point, a gentleman standing in the queue stepped forward, and interrupted with a calm and gentle voice, and said to the Iraqi woman: "Excuse me, but hundreds of thousands of men and women, just like this ladies son have fought and sacrificed their lives so that people just like you can stand here, in England, which is my country and allow you to blatantly accuse an innocent check-out cashier of bombing your countrymen".
"It is my belief that if you were allowed to be as outspoken as that in Iraq, which you claim to be your country, then we wouldn't need to be fighting there today". "However - now that you have learned how to speak out and criticise the English people who have afforded you the protection of my country, I will gladly pay the cost of a ticket to help you pay your way back to Iraq".
"When you get there, and if you manage to survive for being as outspoken as what you are here in England, then you should be able to help straighten out the mess which your Iraqi countrymen have got you into in the first place, which appears to be the reason that you have come to my country to avoid." Apparently the queue cheered and applauded.
A Muslim woman dressed in a Burkha (A black gown & face mask) was standing with her shopping in a queue at the checkout. When it was her turn to be served, and as she reached the cashier, she made a loud remark about the English Flag lapel pin, which the female cashier was wearing on her blouse.
The cashier reached up and touched the pin and said, "Yes, I always wear it proudly. My son serves abroad with the forces and I wear it for him". The Muslim woman then asked the cashier when she was going to stop bombing and killing her countrymen, explaining that she was Iraqi.
At that point, a gentleman standing in the queue stepped forward, and interrupted with a calm and gentle voice, and said to the Iraqi woman: "Excuse me, but hundreds of thousands of men and women, just like this ladies son have fought and sacrificed their lives so that people just like you can stand here, in England, which is my country and allow you to blatantly accuse an innocent check-out cashier of bombing your countrymen".
"It is my belief that if you were allowed to be as outspoken as that in Iraq, which you claim to be your country, then we wouldn't need to be fighting there today". "However - now that you have learned how to speak out and criticise the English people who have afforded you the protection of my country, I will gladly pay the cost of a ticket to help you pay your way back to Iraq".
"When you get there, and if you manage to survive for being as outspoken as what you are here in England, then you should be able to help straighten out the mess which your Iraqi countrymen have got you into in the first place, which appears to be the reason that you have come to my country to avoid." Apparently the queue cheered and applauded.
Welcome to 2008
I haven’t been posting anything on this blog for a long, long time (about three to four months perhaps)….been too busy with my other blog, www.anfieldtalk.blogspot.com.
Since it is already 2008, here’s something for the guys and girls to ponder upon.
You might agree with it, but when it actually happens 99% of girls don't realize it until it is too late and that guy who did it is so frustrated that he has moved on to someone who will take notice.
From a guy’s point of view:
We don't care if you talk to other guys.
We don't care if you're friends with other guys.
But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.
It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.
We don't care if a guy calls you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned.
Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait till the morning.
Also, when we tell you you're pretty or beautiful or gorgeous or cute or stunning, we freaking mean it.
Don't tell us we're wrong. We'll stop trying to convince you.
The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.
Yeah, you can quote me.
Don't be mad when we hold the door open.
Take Advantage of the mood we’re in.
LET US PAY FOR YOU! DON'T 'FEEL BAD'
We enjoy doing it.
It's expected.
Smile and say 'thank you.'
Kiss us when no one's watching.
If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.
You don't have to get dressed up for us.
If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.
We like you for WHO you are and not WHAT you are.
Honestly, I think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pajamas or my t-shirt and boxers, not all dolled up.
Don't take everything we say seriously.
Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.
Don't get angry easily.
Stop using magazines/media as your bible.
Don't talk about how hot Morris Chesnutt, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us. It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that.
Whatever happened to the word 'handsome' or ‘beautiful’?
I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with 'Hey handsome!' instead of 'Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy' or whatever else you can think of.
On the other hand I’m not saying I wouldn't like it ether.
Girls: I cannot stress this enough: IF YOU AREN'T BEING TREATED RIGHT BY A GUY, DON'T WAIT FOR HIM TO CHANGE. DITCH HIS SORRY DISGRACE-TO-THE-MALE-POPULATION ASS, AND FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL TREAT YOU WITH UTTER RESPECT
Someone who will honor your morals.
Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest.
Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.
Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.
Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes....and say 'I love you' ..........AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT!
*****Give the nice guys a chance*****
Holding Hands-Girls: If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of times.
Guys: Grab it if it happens more than once.
Cuddling-Girls: When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold.
Guys: Automatically move closer to her.
Movies-Girls: During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
Guys: Lift her chin up and kiss her.
Loving each other-Guys: When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her too... And mean it.
Laying below the stars-Girls: When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat.
Since it is already 2008, here’s something for the guys and girls to ponder upon.
You might agree with it, but when it actually happens 99% of girls don't realize it until it is too late and that guy who did it is so frustrated that he has moved on to someone who will take notice.
From a guy’s point of view:
We don't care if you talk to other guys.
We don't care if you're friends with other guys.
But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.
It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.
We don't care if a guy calls you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned.
Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait till the morning.
Also, when we tell you you're pretty or beautiful or gorgeous or cute or stunning, we freaking mean it.
Don't tell us we're wrong. We'll stop trying to convince you.
The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.
Yeah, you can quote me.
Don't be mad when we hold the door open.
Take Advantage of the mood we’re in.
LET US PAY FOR YOU! DON'T 'FEEL BAD'
We enjoy doing it.
It's expected.
Smile and say 'thank you.'
Kiss us when no one's watching.
If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.
You don't have to get dressed up for us.
If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.
We like you for WHO you are and not WHAT you are.
Honestly, I think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pajamas or my t-shirt and boxers, not all dolled up.
Don't take everything we say seriously.
Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.
Don't get angry easily.
Stop using magazines/media as your bible.
Don't talk about how hot Morris Chesnutt, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us. It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that.
Whatever happened to the word 'handsome' or ‘beautiful’?
I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with 'Hey handsome!' instead of 'Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy' or whatever else you can think of.
On the other hand I’m not saying I wouldn't like it ether.
Girls: I cannot stress this enough: IF YOU AREN'T BEING TREATED RIGHT BY A GUY, DON'T WAIT FOR HIM TO CHANGE. DITCH HIS SORRY DISGRACE-TO-THE-MALE-POPULATION ASS, AND FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL TREAT YOU WITH UTTER RESPECT
Someone who will honor your morals.
Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest.
Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.
Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.
Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes....and say 'I love you' ..........AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT!
*****Give the nice guys a chance*****
Holding Hands-Girls: If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of times.
Guys: Grab it if it happens more than once.
Cuddling-Girls: When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold.
Guys: Automatically move closer to her.
Movies-Girls: During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
Guys: Lift her chin up and kiss her.
Loving each other-Guys: When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her too... And mean it.
Laying below the stars-Girls: When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat.
Guys: Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers.
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